I feel like I've gotten so good at pretending everything is ok that it surprises me how miserable I am sometimes. All the times I thought I was just tired, sick of school or just physically exhausted. Theres a sense of liberation in finally being able to properly identify the presenting problem. Like I'm one step towards finding the solution. But I'm still far from it. As of now, I'm still not sure what to do/feel. It's like 'm stuck in some kind of limbo.

On the plus side I talked to Eddie today, who I think is fabulous. Rather, he approached me. Hopefully we talk more in the future.

I should never expect my mother to tell me that she thinks I'm beautiful as long as she does not think she is herself.

My perception of community support is at an all-time low (probably just exaggerating).

Although I will miss certain individuals, I won't miss the strings of relations that are attached to these people. I don't think those things can be separated. A person can be defined by their relations to others. 

I don't think it is necessarily all external either. Are there differences between my perception of things and what that thing actually is? Does it matter? I perceive things differently than others do. So it is, in the end, everyone's responsibility.

More thoughts:

People make speeches and write things down because
it is impossible to have long drawn out and meaningful
coversations that has the combined effect of inserting
character, interpersonal dynamics, and localized context
with the large amount of people that we would like our 
message to reach. 

This is why it is important to write things down. 
Summarize and make concise our thoughts.

However, this is also why conversations are important. It
takes time to develope thought, and a passionate and mature
argument or response cannot be made on the spot. 

Written communication is detrimental in this way.
We are expected to verbally and paraverbally communicate in a way that 
only writing can.